Monday, April 7, 2014

Becoming Free from the Pursuit of Perfection

An Illustrative Story About Life and Business

Eight year old Breah walked into the kitchen where her mom was busily putting away the clean dishes from the dishwasher. Breakfast was sitting on the table waiting for both Breah and Breah's father as it was every weekday morning, because Breah's mother always got up an hour before everyone else to make sure the family had a good start to the day with full bellies and energy.

A glass slipped from mom's hand and fell to the hardwood floor with a "crash!" Breah looked at her mom as the woman stooped down to start sweeping up the broken pieces. Breah noticed a tear was rolling down her mother's cheek. "What's the matter, mom?" Breah inquired. "Oh, I just can't keep anything nice," mom replied. There was an edge of irritation in mom's voice.

Just then, Breah's dad walked into the room. "I don't have time for breakfast today, honey. I have to be at work early to get ready for my presentation. Didn't I tell you that?" Breah's mom did not reply. Dad sighed. "Well anyway, have a good day. Love you." He bent down and kissed Breah's mother's cheek, then kissed the top of Breah's head, and was out the door. Breah sat there, chewing her breakfast as her mother finished cleaning up the final tiny pieces of glass that were left. Mom continued her morning routine, and soon had Breah's lunch packed for school.

On his drive to work, Breah's dad ran through his presentation over and over in his mind. Incognizant of the fact that his wife had been crying, the man could only focus on what he knew he faced that day.  His boss had been pressuring him for weeks about this presentation because sales at his company had been slow, and without some new clients, there was a chance that he might lose his job soon. His wife knew that money had been tight, but he had not mentioned the fact that he might become unemployed because he hated to worry her. But he felt the load, and he had recently not been as attentive to her as he usually was, and life at home had been a little rough as of late. He believed they would get through it, but it wasn't easy.

Back at home, Breah was ready to get on the bus for school. She had tied her shoes and put on her book bag, and was waiting by the door for her mom to say good-bye. Mom hurriedly walked in carrying a basket of laundry that had just come out of the dryer. "I just wish somebody else in this house could do some laundry," mother whispered under her breath. She thought Breah couldn't hear it, but Breah did. Mom leaned over, still holding the basket of clothes and kissed Breah's nose. "Good-bye, sweety. Have a good day at school. Remember that your babysitter will be here when you get home because I have to work today." Mom had recently taken a part-time job to help with groceries since dad's sales were down. "O.K. mom. Love you." Breah opened the door and the school bus was already at the stop. Mom watched to make sure Breah got on the bus.  Then, closing the front door, she suddenly realized that she had forgotten that dinner would have to be prepared before she left for work since she would not be there that evening to do it. Frustrated, she dropped the basket of clothes in the living room chair, and quickly went about putting a roast in a crock pot. After she finished putting the roast on, she quickly got ready to leave, then rushed out the door. She clocked in at work one minute late.

The house smelled amazing when Breah arrived home from school. The roast had been in the crock pot all day, and the aroma filled the air. Breah's baby-sitter, a neighbor girl who was in the 10th grade, had picked Breah up from the bus stop and walked her into the house. The babysitter was a nice girl, and she made sure that Breah was safe, but she did not do much else. The high-schooler sat down at the kitchen bar and went to texting someone. "How was school?" she asked Breah, not looking up from her phone screen. "Good," replied Breah. "That's good," answered the girl. Breah walked back into the entryway to hang up her book bag. Glancing into the living room, Breah noticed the basket of clean laundry that was sitting in the chair just where her mom had dropped it earlier. Breah remembered the words her mother had spoken under her breath, and the tear that she saw rolling down her cheek that morning, and Breah really felt bad for her mother. "My mom works so hard," she thought to herself.

Breah knew what she wanted to do. Walking into the living room, she grabbed the basket of clothes, and went to work. She had seen her mom fold clothes many times, and it looked pretty easy. "I'll fold these for mom, and I know she'll feel better," Breah said aloud. Even though she knew she had homework, Breah decided that she could fold the clothes and do her homework that night. "If mom can work so hard, I can too," thought Breah.

Breah did her absolute best. She tried to remember what she had seen her mother do, and carefully,
she folded the sleeves and pant legs. She even folded the underwear, which she did not like! When she was done, she separated the clothing into piles for each person, then carried the piles to the bedrooms they belonged in and set them down on the beds. All-in-all, the endeavor took her about an hour. As soon as she finished, she went straight to work on her homework, which took her another hour. By the time she was done with everything, it was time for dinner and for mom and dad to arrive home.

Dad walked in first. Saying nothing, he paid the babysitter, walked into his room, and shut the door. The babysitter left and moments later, mom walked in. Breah's eyes lit up! She could not wait to show mom the work she had done. "Mommy, Mommy!" Breah exclaimed. Breah hugged her mom's waist for just a moment, then grabbing her hand, Breah pulled her into her own bedroom. "What are you doing?" mother inquired. "You'll see!" said Breah. Opening the door, Breah smiled and said "Look what I did!" Mother looked at the pile of clothes on Breah's bed. She did not smile. Breah waited, anticipating. Her mother just stood there, looking. Then, with unexpected sharpness, Breah's mother asked, "Who told you to do this? You did some of this well, but I am going to have to gather all this up to make sure its all right and fold some of them again. I've never shown you how to fold, so what made you think you could?" Breah's heart sank, and tears started to pool in her eyes. "I wanted to help you, mommy," said Breah. "Well, you didn't," mother retorted.

Deeply saddened, Breah walked to her bed, picked up the clothes and carried them back to her mom. Her mother took the clothes and walked into her own room, where she gathered the rest of the clothes and started to work re-folding. Her husband was asleep on the bed. After about 5 minutes of folding, Breah's mom was finished. Her husband awoke from his nap and asked her to shut the bedroom door. Thirty minutes later, Breah's mom emerged from the room, and walking into the kitchen, she called for Breah to come and eat. Breah obeyed. But, before Breah reached the kitchen, her mother stopped her in the hallway. A few seconds later, Breah's father also entered the hall behind Breah. The two adults knelt down beside their child, then leaning in together, they both embraced her. "We're sorry Breah. We know that things have been a little difficult around here lately, and it's not your fault," said Breah's father. He continued, "I've had some hard things happening at work lately, but thankfully, things went a lot better today. I am exhausted, but I feel a lot better now." Breah's mother spoke up, "I am sorry too. What you did for me today was excellent, and I am so proud of you. I couldn't ask for a better daughter. Sometimes people judge too harshly and expect perfection when they feel overwhelmed. But none of what I was feeling was your fault. Please forgive me for not noticing how great of a thing you did for me." Breah nodded her head "yes". "We love you," said Breah's father. Then scooping Breah up into his arms, Breah's father carried her into the kitchen, and sat her down on the countertop. Grabbing a stack of plates from the cupboard, he helped his wife set the table and the family enjoyed the dinner and the company of one another for the rest of the evening.

Application:
This is a very ordinary illustration that depicts a very average experience. Perhaps that is the reason why we fail to notice how much experiences similar to these can effect our lives. It is very common that we feel that others do not notice our efforts, such as when the mother in the story complained that no one else helped with the laundry. But do we ourselves pass that frustration on to others?

Or, perhaps we are expecting perfection. Maybe the little girl in the story did not do a perfect job with the laundry. However, she did do some of it right. Even if the job was only done 50% right, that was still half of the job. The girl put forth the effort, and her effort, should her mother have seen it for what it was, could have saved the mother some of her own. Often, we may not recognize the good things in our lives or our business, because we are too overwhelmed with other things. As the mother in the story acknowledged, what the little girl did was excellent. What excellent things are you missing because you expect perfection? Often, we can act as both the mother and the daughter in this story, wanting to do well, but never able to live up to our own expectations. This is self-defeating because the standard is unattainable.

People are constantly under the pressure to perform. This is a reality in our lives. But, if we understood that a perfect performance is impossible, but an excellent performance is practical, could we not release ourselves from some of the pressure we feel? The little girl in the story did a very practical, yet imperfect thing. Does she have room to grow? Yes. But, given her lack of experience, what she did was excellent.

In the Plexus business, there are many factors involved in success. Perfection is not one of them. Anyone who expects perfection out of a team member, a product, or themselves, will have no idea how to handle failure. And there will sometimes be failure. Getting a 50% score on a test in school is considered failing. Yet, this story illustrates that 50% right could have saved the mother half of her work on the laundry, if she would recognize it for what it was. As business people, in order to be successful, we must learn to "fail with grace". In other words, we must not expect perfection, but instead embrace excellence in everything. Any time that you move forward, you have not really failed, you have instead embraced excellence. Only you can move forward through your struggles, and everyones struggles might be a little different. It could be that you feel a lack of support from someone. Instead of getting angry or quitting, realize that the person you want support from, might themselves be dealing with something you know nothing about, as in the example of the father in the story. It could be that your customer does not understand the products, or has a wrong expectation. It could be that you expect to never lose a customer. It could be that you expect a perfect product. What if a product is 90%, 80%, 70%, 60%, or even 50% effective? Does that mean it is ineffective, or should you look at the excellent results instead? You may look at some of the Plexus testimonies with amazement, and a little jealousy because you don't think your testimony compares. But what excellent things have the products done for you? Has a little healthy product that you drink in the morning done something for you? Are you, like the mother in the story, missing the 50% of the work that you don't have to do?

The point here is that if we are looking for perfection, then even if something were 95% right, it would still fall short. Aiming for excellence allows us to continue improving, while also working through times of failure. Knowing this, we must recognize that along with excellence, there is another ingredient necessary for success, and that is time. Allowing the time necessary to work through some failures will help you realize true success. Only you can do this! You must be willing to be patient with yourself, and say as the little girl did when she decided to help, "If mom can work so hard, I can too". Your performance may not be perfect, but it can be excellent! If you are unsatisfied with your results, free yourself, your expectations of the business and your expectations of others from the impossible requirements of perfection. Look for the good, improving as a child who is learning something new, and enjoy the amazing benefits of pursuing excellence!